Matthew 8:18-20 “And when Jesus saw great multitudes about Him, He gave a command to depart to the other side. 19 Then a certain scribe came and said to Him, “Teacher, I will follow You wherever You go.” 20 And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head.” NKJV.
The Bible says, “In the same way, you husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way [with great gentleness and tact, and with an intelligent regard for the marriage relationship], as with someone physically weaker, since she is a woman. Show her honor and respect as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered or ineffective.” (1 Peter 3:7, TAB)
You see a great assignment given to men—live with your wives in an understanding way. The amplified version of the Bible now paints a picture of understanding—gentleness, tact and intelligence. In essence husbands are expected to be at the top of their game always in the marital relationship. This is a tall order.
Here the woman is referred to as the weaker sex. Weaker in what sense—emotionally. With IQ comes EQ. You have a marriage of IQ and EQ.
In many cases, the men are expected to be emotionally stronger. Certain things that will cause the woman to cry, does not seem to move the men.
The Bible now says men should live with someone that is intelligently sound but emotionally weak in an understanding manner—with great gentleness and tact. Look at this, men are also advised to show honor and respect to the woman.
Did you see honor and respect? This is what men are always yearning for respect but God says, give it to the women.
This means that, assuming the man has EQ in abundance, the woman IQ in abundance there has to be a balance. This balance is what defines a glorious home.
Major challenge is that somebody that is expected to relate from a position of intelligence begins to relate from a position of emotion while the one that is supposed to lead from a position of emotion now begins to lead from a position of intellect. This is all due to ego—the fact that none wants to be perceived as weak or deficient.
Examine this; the woman does not mind being perceived as weak emotionally because it suits them. It becomes a weapon for them to have their way but to be perceived as being weak intellectually is a no go area. This becomes the reason why most women talk more than men.
They need you to understand that they know what they are talking about. Consider men, they would not back down in any area. They will never want you to have the impression that they are weak intellectually or emotionally. Even when men are hurting inside, they mask their hurt with a squeezed up face.
It is generally perceived as being not cool or macho for a man to display emotion. When men are hurting and they do not express their hurt, it results in uncontrolled anger. They lash out
Ephesians 5:19-25—Husbands love your wives—men are being directed to meet the emotional inadequacies of the wives.
God had already tested in the laboratory of heaven and he knows how marital relationships would work. God knows if you learn to meet or fill the emotional tank of your wife all other things would fall into space.
Instead of the husbands to be emotionally present we replace these with “things.” We then discover that the things work for a moment but it does not work forever.
This is the reason why you see some women (please note that I am not saying it is right) filling their emotional tank with their drivers or others that you believe are beneath them. This happens because they say nice things to them.
When they hear the nice things their emotional deficiencies surfaces and they totally forget their intellectual prowess. As you know many a times, instinct trumps intellect.
This result in them doing things that they should not do or saying what they should not say.
How do you deal intelligently with somebody that is astute?
Synonyms of Astute—Shrewd, Smart, Perceptive, Judicious, intelligent, clever, perspicacious—clear sighted / discerning
Wives are expected to do two primary things, build their homes with wisdom and submit to their husband.
Lots of women find this tough to accomplish because of ITK. Once again examine critically the two occasions where instructions are explicitly given to women in the marital relationship.
You use wisdom to build and the bible is also saying submit i.e. the same wisdom that you use in building, God is saying submit it also. WOW!
A man by the name Evangel said, “Wisdom is having many things to say but keeping quiet.”
It is not everything that you have to respond to. It takes wisdom to know when to use it and when to submit it.
Luke 14:28 “For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it” NKJV
You sit down—To sit down is to be present. You can’t count the cost effectively standing up. Your spouse cannot say we need to have a chat and you say there is no time. It is not a question of we will talk about it later
The ability of a couple to adapt to the demands of a marriage union with regard to the marriage relationship or covenant and to each other as a fellow heir of the grace of life is what makes a difference.
No woman or man will always have it together. Those that have been able to excel in a marriage vow have been able to adapt to the demands of the holy matrimony.
It is a journey that requires preparation and commitment. Check Ruth and Naomi
How well you adapt to each other in marital relationship determines how well you live with each other.
We fast and pray for a wife / husband but we don’t want to change when the prayer manifest. However you look at it, the addition of one more person to your life is already a change therefore you need to change the way you think, relate to accommodate the change that is in your life.
God now seem to compound the situation by saying two will come together and become one. It is important to note and believe that God is not complicating matters but showing you the solution to a glorious home.
All God is trying to tell you is that, if you take your spouse as yourself, you will not do to your spouse what you will not like to do to yourself. Except a woman or man is sick that is when she or he intentionally hurts self.
You do not suddenly start boxing or cursing yourself-except there are serious issues. Hopefully we shall talk about issues and serious issues in marriage.